Volume 3: Preface to Pt 1
What would you say to someone who told you that the key to happiness was sitting right under your nose, and that it had always been there? When the author of this book, Théun Mares, first told me that, I felt somewhat frustrated and disappointed. Nevertheless, I decided to humour him and not say anything at all in the hope that he would in time reveal the real secrets. Meanwhile, I carried on my search for happiness, with my eyes firmly fixed on the horizon. However, like the horizon, happiness kept moving back with each step forward that I took.
Luckily for me, I happen also to be a student of Théun’s, as well as his editor, and since I could see that he did not appear to struggle at all with being happy in his life, I decided to start to take notice of what he had been telling me. Nevertheless, it took a while before I was able to see the truth in what he had said. It seems that this is a common problem, because we have an acquired tendency to discount the obvious and the commonplace, and instead to reach for complicated answers. In our rush for technological and academic achievement, we have become too “clever” for our own good and we tend to rationalise more and more about life, with the result that true happiness slips through our fingers.
Through working and studying with Théun I have developed the guiding principle now that one does not need to have any academic qualifications at all in order to understand how to live and how to get the most out of life. The keys to life and to happiness have to be within the reach and the abilities of even the simplest person, otherwise there would be no point to life. Therefore, rather than acquiring new tricks, the secret is to discard an enormous amount of what we have been taught about life. However, even though the keys to happiness may be simple, this does not mean that they are easy. In fact, putting them into practice is often fiendishly difficult, as there always seems to be a gap between what we know we should do and the habits of a lifetime. What I have discovered in my association with Théun is that although there are no quick fixes on the path to happiness, once we make a decision to start on our journey, with a few tools in our pocket, life is never the same. Sometimes we fly, sometimes we crash, but we travel under our own power, and that’s what gives life a new dimension of exhilaration, of excitement. To develop the confidence and the belief in oneself to say “Yes! I did it all my own way”, is, for me, what makes every day different and worthwhile. The effect of this is that whether it is sunny or cloudy, you learn to make your own weather.
Over time, I have found that the principles explained in Part One of this book have lead me to a different understanding of the meaning of happiness. I have learned that happiness, far from being on the horizon, is all around us — it just needs to be grasped consciously. It really is as simple, but also as difficult, as making a choice to live, for once one chooses life, one also chooses happiness.
The reason why so many people love watching sport is not so much for the end result, for the victory, but because they want to share, vicariously, in each step of the battle — a battle in which seconds seem to be measured in minutes, as excitement and intensity are locked into focus whilst each side, or player, gives it their all. Similarly, when we choose for happiness and for life, it is the intensity and passion that we generate during each step of our own battles that is remembered. Victories come and go, but what we can get out of each battle is never lost. So, for me, choosing life has turned out to be a very practical affair, which involves learning to be nimble and alert and passionate enough about life to be able to catch hold of that elusive happiness which, in spite of appearances, is always present in each of our encounters, every day of our lives.
I hope that your own voyage of discovery is as exciting and rewarding as it has so far been for me.
Charles Mitchley, Cape Town
Preface to Pt 2
If somebody asked you what it meant to be a male could you answer them? A few years ago I would not have been able to answer this with any clarity, except to say that being a male in modern times is not easy and that there are probably as many definitions of maleness as there are men.
So how does one know if one is getting it right? Across the world this question seems to be becoming more and more important for men. Everywhere there are men’s groups springing up where men meet to enjoy the company and camaraderie of other men. But does playing drums or singing around campfires make you a true male? When I was a boy I looked around the world and became so disillusioned with the actions of men that I was embarrassed at being associated with them. The most common display of “maleness” that I saw was a strange kind of bravado that seemed to have no real substance.
Everywhere men seemed to be destructive and insensitive to the world. In school locker rooms boys joked crudely about females. Later they worked for large companies that were equally insensitive to the environmental impact of their work, or else they took office jobs that were so heartless that they seemed to completely wither away.
Thoughout my early years I had a string of male heroes. These were men who in some way seemed able to sense something more in life, men who had not lost their sense of adventure.
I would watch their eyes gleam as they animatedly discussed their dreams for the world. But the sad truth is that few of these men have ever materialized any of their dreams. How is it that the world could become so difficult, or men so weak and impractical, that most of the noblest ideas are never brought to fruition? What is the world coming to when even the heroes are giving up?
Through the work I have done as a student of Théun, I have learned that in order to turn the tide it is not necessary to save a nation or to lead a country into war. It is the little things in every individual’s life that count the most – the little drops that eventually cause the bucket to overflow and start a ripple effect in the world. You and I can make a difference. If each man were to start to stand up and reclaim the honour, beauty and power of their true masculine potential, then the world would change. If you reclaim this power for yourself you will see the changes in the world around you.
How can one do this? That’s what Part Two of this book is all about. In the simple, practical language and style that is the hallmark of Théun’s work he answers the question of what it is to be a male. Working from the premise that we have everything we need right here and now, Théun shows how, within the heart of commonly held myths about maleness, lie the seeds of truth. He demonstrates how you can find this potential in your everyday life and how to encourage it to grow. True growth is never easy, but it is also far from impossible.
Working with the material contained in this book I have acquired a completely new experience of male awareness. I have seen the inspiration, beauty, hope and openness; the warmth and strength.
May you too have the courage to tackle this journey and may you also find as much joy in your journey as I have in mine.
Neil Mason-Jones, Cape Town
Preface to Pt 3
With women having broken away from some of the out-dated and preconceived ideas of what being a female should be, it has naturally brought about new challenges.
A good example of this would be the fight for equality. Whilst agreeing that change within these social confines is necessary, it is however, outrageous to find women at every turn, giving up so much by compromising themselves.
This is partly due to not having the tools of how to become female, as well as partly due to not actually having a willingness to become female. The result being that instead of becoming female, women have become second-rate males or doormats. Surely, and as is apparent, this measure of equality is indeed proving to be most unfulfilling.
Here, possibly the most glaring of all, is seeing the inherent qualities of the female being forgotten, ignored or side-lined, as being inferior. If we consider the word mystery as encompassing these qualities, how then is it possible that we have come to view mystery as being inferior? A startling fact. For, in fighting for equality, and in having achieved the socially accepted and socially understood position of equality, we have to acknowledge the very real sense of dominance, lack of self-respect and disillusionment that is being experienced. For the additions to one’s life in the form of material acquisitions, the rivalling for “success” in the business world, within relationships, or the quest for quick-fix “spiritual enlightenment” is wearing thin. This “achievement” thus gives rise to the question, what will woman be fighting for next? A question which implies that aching sense of longing, that sense of melancholy. Melancholy being the desire to change, thus indicates the presence of opportunity.
In Part Three of this book, Théun imparts teachings which provide a key. This key is being held out for us, to take and with a true willingness to learn through our day-to-day experiences, learn how we can take the next step in becoming female. For, to actually live the teachings Théun imparts in this book, is to enable us to take a meaningful step forward in a direction where opportunity presents itself in ways that are uplifting beyond what we have, up until now, imagined possible. It allows us to acknowledge the priceless gift of life, and having incarnated as a woman in this lifetime, with a growing sense of respect and belief in oneself.
Having come this far, I feel it is important to mention the stumbling block of frowning down upon simplicity by viewing it as being secondary to the complicating dialogue of the mind. It is through simplicity that we find the ability to hear the clear voice of our hearts, the ability to act on it, and to sense that as female, you are a mystery.
That, as a woman, you step forward, and take this opportunity with all that you have, and truly go with it, is a decision that only you can make. Once having made that decision, should you take the key provided, so too will you find your own unique and joyous experience of what it is to become a female.
Moya Campbell, Cape Town
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